Hello gentle viewers, I have returned to rant some more. Aren't you lucky (Kefka Laugh)? Anyways, I am here to talk about a little thing called stimming, and no it isn't some weird sex thing you filthy pervets! So, what is stimming?
Exscript from Wikipedia
Stimming is a term for a particular form of stereotypy, a repetitive body movement (often done unconsciously) that self-stimulates one or more senses in a regulated manner. It is shorthand for self-stimulation, and a stereotypy is referred to as stimming under the hypothesis that it has a function related to sensory input. Stereotypy is one of the symptoms listed by the DSM IV for autism and is observed in about 10% of non-autistic young children.
This is true, and most of you people most likely know this but...I have autism, well high functioning anyway. And I do in fact stim (NOT LIKE THAT YOU F*&^ING PERVERTS!!!), now stimming is more than just mere stimulation, but more of a simulation for me. You see, when I stim, I undergo a temporary psychological metamorphosis so to speak. While I can still see the real world around me, it extremely hazy and the details fade as I see solutes of things which I am thinking of. Not detailed but just vague and abstract images, almost ethereal visages. But however, I rarely need to have a visual aid for this because my mind is so active at this time that it's almost like a self-caused high. The phonical aspects of life and existence are almost utterly shunned from my mind as the music or other miscellaneous phonic aspects of which I am thinking of are not just echoed in my mind. I can actually hear them as an external force, almost as if they were "voices" and I was suffering from schizophrenia. Often times my subconscious repeats certain thoughts over and over again in a rhythmic like movement, sort of like when a CD skips.
All and all, its a sort of collision that only I can sense between two worlds: the real world of material existence and the nonsense world of my bizarre mind. But for some unknown reason, the only way that I can maintain this solace is by holding my hands up to my mouth and flailing my fingers as if I was a crab and they were my mandibles. But however, this is easily disturbed by a loud noise, especially a voice can swiftly pull me out of this "collision". I do not know if this is also what happens to others who stim, but it is strange...and I am telling the truth...it's sort of like how Louie described the world through the eyes of a vampire, "You might as well as heaven what is sees, no living man can know."
Nollaf's Tower Overture of Apathy and Emoness: Part One
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Interesting. Your description reminded me a bit of Synesthesia, and also the more obscure Bicameralism
ReplyDeleteThat was WAY COOL Nollaf. Thank you so much for that peek into your mind and what happens when you stim. I'm also not sure if that's what happens when other people stim, but it's really facinating to learn what it means for you.
ReplyDeleteI think it's really amazing that you know how you look from the outside when you're in this "transition/trance" and can manage your need to stim till you're in a private place. That's a really huge accomplishment and I hope you're very proud of the amount of control and self-awareness that takes.
It must be very difficult and draining to have to live in the "real" world all the time and only "visit" your own from time to time. You are a wonder and a gift to the world.
P.S. Dad says "Hi"
Interesting links Mick. Thanks for sharing!
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