Top Ten Villains of All Time

Well, I'm borde I couldn't think of anything better to do right now so here I am listening to the soundtrack of Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone ranting away. Anyway's, my topic tonight is top ten villains of all time. Well here it goes.

#10) Zorn and Thorn, Final Fantasy IX
Though not exactly the major villains of the game, Zorn and Thorn are some of the most underrated villains in the media. They are two court jesters gone horribly, horribly wrong. To put it roughly their like those two little girls from the Shinning, but they speak in antimetabole which is always cool. Despite the fact that they are freakishly short, they have to power to drain your soul. How awesome is that, also I love their theme music.

"We are in Trouble!" "Trouble we are in!"

Their role in the story is to find a capture the princess of Alexandra who ran away from the capital city, by any means necessary...so that they can extract the mythical power within her immortal soul. And that means being too lazy to do it their selves so they create the Black Waltzes, three horrific scarecrow-like golems with the power of pyromancy (the magical power over fire). Eventually they get her and extract said power and use it to summon unearthly demigods of unspeakably destructive power for their genocidal queen to use. To put it roughly it doesn't end well. Don't worry it's not just video game villains here.

#9) The Wicked Witch of the West, The Wizard of Oz
I know what your thinking, what the hell is this? Well, if you think about it...she's really screwed up. Though she may look like that kid who died because he painted himself green to look like the Incredible Hulk, but she had some awesome moments. For God's sake, she almost kills a minor and her dog in a slow and emotionally painful process just for a pair of ruby slippers. Also she has some of the most iconic minions ever: FLYING MONKEYS!!! I don't care what you say, flying monkeys are the most bad ass minion ever.

"I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too!"

The woman has become quite literally the arch type of wickedness in the minds of many. She also has had her own spin-off series, Wicked. I'm sorry, but despite the utter generic and archetypal nature of this villainies, she takes number nine on my list.

#8) Cthulhu, Call of Cthulhu
Cthulhu, try to pronounce it...it's physically imposable. No really, it is. HP Lovecraft designed most of his creations to be utterly incomprencable for the human mind to even remotely contemplate. Anyways, Cthulhu is the kind of villain that really strikes fear into your heart, because you know that the protagonists don't stand a remote chance against him, he is the high priest of the Great Old Ones, you don't f@#$ with Cthulhu.

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn."

The literal translation of that is "In his dead house of R'lyeh, dread Cthulhu waits dreaming". Well, here's a brief description of the poster boy of Lovecraftian Horror as we know it. There's nothing to describe, if I gave you an even remotely psychically accurate description of it you would go running out the front door in your under ware gibbering, "Ia, Ia, Cthulhu Fhtagn!" Ok, that's all that there is to it. Even Chuck Norris is no match for Cthulhu. Basically he's an elder god who is entombed thousands of miles under the ocean within the walls of the ruined, non-euclidean city of R'lyeh in a coma-like state awaiting the time that the stars are "right" so that he can awaken, pretty much causing the end of this planet's existence. There, happy now?

#7) Dr. Evil, Austin Powers Triology
Perhaps one of the most quotable villains on this list. Dr. Evil is purely for comic relief, but he's just a fantastic parody of the archtypical evil genius. Not to mention he has some of the worst plans known to man, for any remotely intelligent human would figure out that it would utterly destroy the world rather than bend it to his will. I mean send a wave a nuclear missiles into the core of the planet to cause every volcano to erupt would cause not only most of the contents to be engulfed in magma, reducing the human race into an endangered species but the ash and smoke launched into the sky would cause a cataclysmic shower of pyroclastic material also blocking out the sun for several months destroying all life. But he is an awesome villain, reminds me a lot of Dwight K. Surte from the Office. He also has a midget minion, always awesome.

"Mini-Me, stop humping the laser. Honest to God, why don't you and the giant laser get a fricking room, for Christ's sake?"

It was so hard just to pick one quote from him (sob). Anyways, his son Scott was also quite humorous I thought. Just, he was in a way the ultimate doppelganger to the protagonist Austin Powers.

#6) Johnny the Homicidal Maniac (aka Nny), from the graphic novel of the same title
My mother would not approve of this one, Uwwee-hee-hee-hee. Anyhow, you cannot deny the fact that he is an awesome villain. Johnny the Homicidal Maniac is like me but with extremely homicidal tendencies. He is...well...at the pinnacle of uttermost insanity that is what makes him such a good villain. Nny is just insane to the point that it becomes disturbingly dark and yet hilarious comedy.

"Wacky!? What the hell kind of word is that? WACKY!? I HATE that word!! Fewer words are as excruciatingly stupid!!! And used in description of me!! F#$%!"

See the similarity? Nny is an interesting character indeed, he is an artist who was driven mad by his own works of art which depicted similar images to that of the works of HP Lovecraft. Thus he became extremely misanthropic and narristic, two things which can cause mass destruction when mixed together. Which it did, for he has a nasty habit of utterly mutilating and slaughtering those who annoy him in any way, shape, form or manifestation. But don't get the wrong image, this is not tourter porn. This comic is just about the life of an utterly insane psychopathic man in his late twenties. Not to mention it is loaded with dark humor to the point of overflowing.

#5) Darth Vader, Star Wars Saga
You all know who this is...(hums the Imperial March) Yes, Lord Vader, the Dark Lord of Sith, That Psychopath who was Once that Whinny Slave Boy on Tattonine. He started as the only rival to Jar-Jar Binks on the pathetic scale. Anakin Skywalker that whinny emo kid who was depicted as an angry teen (but who wasn't really all that angry). But suddenly, that the end of Star Wars: Episode III, a miracle happened...he grew a pair of testicles! And became the cybernetic dictator-fallen Jedi who created a new arch type of villain, but that's beside the point.

"This day will be long remembered. It has seen the end of Kenobi, and will soon see the end of the Rebellion."

Darth Vader needs no back story, it's too well known. If you don't know his back story then I pity you for being so grievously uneducated about film. Well, because he's an asthmatic zealot reflection of Nazi-Germany, he's only number 5.

#4) Garland, Final Fantasy I/IX
Yes, again...Final Fantasy, and it wont be the last. Garland is a reoccurring villain throughout the series. In the original game, he only appeared as a wayward knight who became the nefarious demon lord Chaos. In the 9th instalment, he was an android who created both the protagonist and the antagonist to destroy all life on the planet so that he could merge it into another, parallel reality. In the original game, his best quote was...

"I Garland, will knock you all down!"

In FF IX it was...

...Do not limit memory to just one individuals experiences from birth. That is only the surface. Every life born into this world, whether natural or artificial, requires a parent. And that parent also requires a parent. Life is connected, one to another... If you trace the root of all life, there exists one source. The same can be said for memory. All life constitutes an intelligence that holds memory beyond experience. Memory is not isolated within individuals. It is an accumulation of generations of memories that continues to evolve. You can say that memory and evolution go hand in hand. But most life-forms do not understand the true nature of memories... ...which explains why most memories never cross paths and are left..."untangled."

Pretty sweet isn't it? When it comes to philosophical villains, Garland has to be one of the best out there. Even in the original game he utterly reshaped the planet by manipulating the grandfather paradox (time travel)!

#3) The Joker, Batman
The Joker has to be one of the more disturbing villains on my list, he is an insane criminal mastermind who just wants to watch society crumble before his feet. An agent of chaos, and when there is chaos there is randomness. And randomness either leads to humor or carnage. In the Joker's case it lead to carnage...

"Wanna know how I got these scars? [nods encouragingly] My father was...a drinker. And a fiend. And one night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself; he doesn't like that. Not...one...bit. So, me watching, he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me and he says, "Why so serious?" He comes at me with the knife, "Why so serious?!" He sticks the blade in my mouth, "Let's put a smile on that face!" And... why so serious?"

The Joker was a great villain, he was an insane psychopath with clown makeup. Not to mention he added a great amount of dark humor into the film (heh...heh...pencil trick...heh...heh)...

#2) Kefka Palazzo, Final Fantasy VI

Yes, the one and only Kefka. This man has some major issues. A political genius with a clown fetish, Kefka is one of the most underrated villains in the video game industry. He started out, when you first meet him as a psychopathic general who takes joy in poisoning rivers near by enemy towns. Of course he was mostly for comic relief, the emperor was the real villain then. But soon, after you knock him around a few times, the court mage's power grows as he betrays the empire and obtains god-like powers. Becoming an overdeity of ultimate power over magical energy. Thus, he actually destroyed the world and reduced it to a mere burnt husk of it's former glory. Sitting atop of an infernal tower composed of the remains of various cities, he blasts the scattered remains of civilization into utter oblivion with a powerful spell called the Light of Judgement.

"Why do people insist on creating things that will inevitably be destroyed? Why do people cling to life, knowing that they must someday die? ...Knowing that none of it will have meant anything once they do?"

Kefka is just an awesome villain, he also has some of the best dialogue in the series. He is overall, just bat$#!^ crazy. Like the Joker, he just wants to watch society crumble before him. Unlike the Joker, he dose get to watch it, multiple times. He's also nihilist, nihilists make awesome villains.

#1) Invader Zim, from the televison series of the same title
Yes, yes LORD OF HUMANS, I SHALL RULE YOU ALL WITH AN IRON FIST, YOU OBEY THE FIST!!! Zim, the pinnacle of incompetence. He is an alien Sergent who got banished by his overlords, because well...at their last attempt for a galactic conquest, Zim got a wee bit zealous for the destruction and went on an omnicidal rampage on a mech. So, they sent him on a "secert mission" to the other side of the Milky Way. Utterly obvious to the fact that they were trying to get rid of him, Zim expected the mission with extreme vigor. He was also given an extremely dysfunctional robot (GIR) to "aid" him, claiming that it was advanced he was given it. After 6 months of flying to the general direction of the corrdents of his location, he found...Earth. A planet filled with the most utterly pathetically dimwitted forms of life in the universe. So, Zim endless plotted the destruction of the god forsaken backwater world, but is endlessly thwarted by Dib (a young boy with an obscenely large head and apparently the only intelligent human in America, he constantly thwarts Zim's half-assed schemes to either rule or obliterate humanity with a combation of technology and common sense).

Zim: But I chose this particular worm hole especially for the occasion. You see, at the end of this wormhole lies: A ROOM with a MOOSE!!

Dib: AAAAAHHHH- Wait a minute! Did you say, a room with a moose?
Zim: Yes. Your fear is overwhelming, no?
Dib: Um...no. What's so scary about a room with a stupid moose? I mean, yeah, that's a big moose, but really...
Zim: Oh, you'll see. PREPARE YOUR BLADDER FOR IMMINENT RELEASE!
Dib: ...

Zim isn't evil persay, he's just ungodly zealous and misanthropic. But then again, the general population of America is portared quite accurtly. He often times has a hiliarously diffucult time "fitting in" with the filthy adolscents that he has to put up with. Often times he goes on lengthly rants, usually ending with "CRUSE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Also we bare a similar vocabular and social status. It's nice to have a villain whom you can realte to.

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