Ok...I had a little faith left in humanity that maybe..there was roughly 5% of the populace who aren't utterly moronic fools. Well, good god how I was WRONG!!! The fact that roughly 18% of the populace believes that the sun revolves around the earth, I can live with...but this? THIS?!?! God, how I hate my peers with burning passion. Oh why, you ask? Why? *evil glare* oh, I WILL tell you WHY!!! Crazed rabid fan girls are one thing but CULLENISM!!?!!?!!! What the hell happened?!?
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH!!!!!!!!
*pant, pant, pant* OK, I don't even know what to say to this. Pardon my language but, WHAT THE F*&^%!!!!????!!!! SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE F#$%!!!???!!! ARE YOU INSANE OR JUST RETA...no, that would be a complement to you and an insult to all the humans with down syndrome. YOU, are just...f@#$ing MORONS!!!
OK, now Stephenie Meyer...see what kind of nightmare you have created SEE!!?!! AGH!!!
Now, what is Cullenism? Ok, Cullenism is composed of criminally insane and/or just utterly moronic fan girls who believe that all the protagonist and antagonists of the Twilight Saga are in fact deities. No, friggin joke. With some painful research, I discovered further details about this...horrific variation of Scientology.
n the grand scheme of Cullenism, there are four gods and now four goddesses that we pray to; Edward, Bella, Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Alice, Emmett and Rosalie, each god can (and probably will) have a different significance to each Cullenist. However, each Cullen god is unique in his or her own way.
Edward is the god of protection, chivalry and game.
Bella is the god of Insecurities, Closure and beginnings
Carlisle is the god of health and prosperity.
Esme is the god of care and compassion.
Jasper is the god of war, strategy and educational pursuit.
Alice is the god of fashion, fun and love.
Emmett is the god of strength, friendliness and happiness.
Rosalie is the god of beauty and grace.
In turn, each god/goddess can be prayed to for different reasons, at different times, some, you may pray to regularly (because your an idoitic teenage girl who is never going to have sexual intercorse until your forty), others on occasion. Each god is equally as...disturbing...as the next. There may be an idiotic different reason you pray to a certain one, whether it's because you're part of their non-existent house, or because they're your favorite Cullen, or perhaps it's because you're in need of their specific guidance...because your an idiot...
As a "Cullenist" they believe:
Edward and the rest of the Twilight characters are real
Stephenie Meyer is the (or one of the) best author(s)
The twilight series should be worshiped
If you are good in life, you will be bless with eternity with the Cullens, if you are bad in life, you will be sent to James' cave
...I think I need to claim bankruptcy and begin to build my luxurious bomb-shelter that I have been planing you quite some time now...good God, I need to prepare for Stephenie Meyer's conquest for world domination...AGH!!! This infernal cult has reduced adolscents to a mere husk of it's former chaotic and remotely respectable glory...*slams head agianst keyboard*...
Nollaf's Tower Overture of Apathy and Emoness: Part One
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
People like religion. Especially people who used to have religion, but then gave it up. They miss the comforting rituals and the moral framework. People satisfy this need in various ways. Some go for liberal religions like Unitarian Universalism, some go to church just because they like it, some invent new religions, or easily latch on to new religions that contain elements they identify with. That's why you get people claiming Jedi as a religion. Any cultural phenomenon widespread enough to have a lot of fans can eventually spawn a religion. Even football players:
ReplyDelete